I wasn't asking for the world.

Im leaving this account.
I will be making another one just for people that want to add me.
if you would like to add me, just message me and ill send you the link.

Everything has been getting to me lately..
And it's hit me. No one has time for me anymore.
I mean, who could blame them, Im worthless.
But I mean, I used to be good friends with people and all of a sudden I don't get comments, notes or messages from them anymore. And its not just one person, it's actually quite a few. I mean, I was on msn today and I saw one of my really close friends were online for the first time in months so I went and said Hi to him, and he didn't remember me. That really hurt my feelings for some reason. Also, someone that I thought I was really close to, made a new accout, and they didn't tell me, but told everone else about it. That also hurt because I thought I was really really close, but I was wrong I guess.

There is only like 2 people on here that  even bother leaving me comments and notes these days and thats Mia and Esty.
They are the only 2. I mean, Alayna isn't on the computer that much, and when she is on she will leave me something, but she's one of my best friends so yeah. But I mean not even the people in my top friends bother talking to me anymore.
No one is probably going to read this, but I think I might leave buzznet because I don't have a purpose of being here if Im just going to be ignored, I already have myspace and msn for that. I don't need another account that just gets forgotton.

Hence - I am leaving buzznet.
I might come on sometimes.

If you would like, I will give you my myspace and msn.
http://www.myspace.com/walkingspastic_xx
clairexchaos_theused@hotmail.com

Thanks and peace
xo

The Pain He Took For Her…

 

“As the light came shining down upon us
And the rain falling hard all around us.
The blonde streaked thru her wet hair,
Our voices screamed in vein Oh my fucking god this isn’t fair!
So you can take our souls, you can take our lives but you will never take the love deep inside us. Now she’s crying, all her hopes and dreams are dying, the one who’d fix it she is needing, though not appearing. She keeps on bleeding. Her wounds deep, will she forever sleep? As she lays there in misery, her fragile voice she cannot speak. Under the cover of darkness, he’s suddenly there. To hold her in his arms and to save her from harm. As the moon shines in her eyes, he kisses her one last time. He pictures her in his mind, as his bride. The moment before he dies, she stands to her feet and wonders why…
The pain he took for her…”

 

As she reads this poem she wrote out to her class, trying to be strong and not cry.
She hears people mutter under their breath “fucking emo.” That was it. She just couldn’t take it. Her whole heart and sole she poured out into that poem, and that’s what she gets. She runs out of the class crying, her big blue eyes becoming red and sore. As she is running down the hall she hears her class laughing at her pain and chanting horrible things, the teacher telling them to quite down. Why me? She thinks as she runs down the stairs. She runs into the bathrooms and locks herself into a cubical. Wiping her eyes and trying to fix her bleeding mascara. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, trying to calm herself down, but still crying, all she can picture now is her past coming back and haunting her. She opens her eyes again, crying harder. She notices some writing on the wall of the cubical, it reads…
 

“Who’s that little emo kid in Bec’s class? Maize or something? Yeah Maize, why doesn’t that hoe just put herself and everyone out of misery and why doesn’t she just kill herself already?”

She breaks down, crying so hard it makes her head ache, why does everyone hate her so much? She runs out of the bathroom to her locker, grabs her bags and runs out to the school car park. She runs to the end of the path to her car, fumbles around in her bag looking for her car keys. Still crying, she shakily opened her car and gets in. She sits there for a minute, crying more, she turns on the car, her Hawthorn Heights cd starts playing. She pulls out of the car park and starts driving down the street. She calms down a bit and stops crying. She turns her music up louder and drives home.

“No one should be there, mom is still at work, Brendon won’t be home tonight because he is staying at a friend’s house and Dad is away on a business trip.” She thinks to herself. She looks in the rear-vision mirror and wipes her bleeding make-up off her face.

She pulls into the drive-way of her house and pulls into the car-port. She takes her cd with her. She unlocks the house and walks up the stairs to her bedroom, walks up to her cd player and slips the Hawthorn Heights cd in, presses random then presses play. ‘We are so last year’ comes on, and she sits on her king size bed, grabs the remote control and turns the song up. She feels that she is going to cry again. She gets that feeling in the back of her throat that you get when you are trying to hold back tears. She falls back onto the bed, and can’t hold it in, she begins to cry again. She shuts her eyes and listens to the song.  She starts thinking about what happened to her 2 years ago, the reason she wrote that poem, the reason she cries every time she listens to Hawthorn Heights. She thinks about what happened that cold winter night.

 

1 year ago, on a rainy winter’s night, Maize and her boyfriend Quinn were driving back from their prom. The roads were really slippery and it was hard to see thru the windscreen because of the fog. But they didn’t care, because it wasn’t just their prom night. It was their anniversary; they were with each other for 2 years, before that terrible night. They were driving back from the prom with their friends. And Nicky, who was driving at the time thought it would be a cool idea that they would have a drag race with Pete, who was in second car full of friends. When they got to the first set of traffic lights, Nicky pulled up next to Pete and opened his window and started talking to Pete about dragging. They had all been drinking and thought it would be a good idea, everyone but Maize, but she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to be the one who ruined the fun, so she went along with it. Everyone was hanging out the windows of the cars, with the radio turned up so loud that you could hardly hear yourself think. Quinn and Maize sat in the back of Nicky’s black wagon; Maize comfortably snuggled into Quinn’s arms.

Then “We are so last year” comes on the radio. Everyone starts wooing and singing it the top of their lungs, again, everyone but Quinn and Maize, Quinn is just quietly singing it to Maize, then he stops and whispers to her “This is my song to you, Maize Lee  Murray, I love you” He says looking at her, his big eyes sparkling in the street lights. Maize is speechless; she just looks at him, tears of joy rolling down her face, and kisses him. That was the first time he has ever said that to her, those three words that he said he was going to save for the perfect moment, for the perfect person. She looks up at him, and smiles, “Quinn Scott Allman, I love you too.” She was the happiest she had ever been in her whole life. She knew Quinn was the one. They smiled at each other, kissed again then started to laugh and sing with their friends. The night couldn’t be any more perfect. Maize thought to herself. Then the rain became to pour down harder. Then there was the second set of traffic lights. Nicky looked at Pete with a big grin, Pete nodded. Everyone looked at the red lights… “3, 2, 1…”  Everyone chanted, and then the lights turned green. Both cars did massive burn outs and they were off, racing thru the main street of their home town, everyone was wooing out of the windows, the rain falling hard against the cars. Then Nicky started driving faster, and faster, Maize became a little scared and sat up from her boyfriend’s warm, safe arms. Both Quinn and Maize put on their seat belts, Nicky going faster and faster. Nicky hated loosing, and there was no was in all hell that he was going to loose to his twin brother Pete. Maize was really becoming scared, they were going faster and faster and the rain was falling harder and harder…
“Nicky Stop the car, okay just stop! I’m scared who cares if Pete gets past you!”
She screams out, Nicky doesn’t stop; he just turns up the music and goes faster.
“Nicky! I’m really scared! Please Stop”

 

 She says, no crying because she is so afraid, Quinn holds her tight and tells her to hold him tight and to not let go. Quinn was becoming scared too. Then the rain got even harder and lightning became to light up the sky. Maize is so scared that she can’t move, she just stays in her boyfriend’s arms, holding him tight. A crack of lightning fills up the sky and hits a tree. The crack from a branch falling is so deafening and scary that even Quinn is holding back tears. A branch falls onto the road and Nicky tries to dodge it but looses control and begins to spin, then both cars collide, Nicky’s car flips 3 times and rolls onto the roof. All that is running thru Maize’s head is Quinn saying I love you and when he first asked her to be his girlfriend.

 

 

 

 

 

[Hours Later]

 

 

 

Maize wakes up to find herself lying on the wet road with all these Paramedics and Policemen surrounding her. She tries to say something but she can’t. She can barely even open her eyes; she is in so much pain that she can’t move an inch. After several minutes she can sit up. She looks around to see 3 of her friends being taken to hospital and Nicky still wedged inside the car. She asks one of the Paramedics where Quinn is. He steps back and points to Quinn sitting in the back of one of the Ambulances. She tries to stand up and walk over to her boyfriend. She stands up and he see’s her, his eyes have hope in them. Maize tries to take a step but collapses to the ground, she cries out in pain and 3 Paramedics put her in a bed and wheel her into Quinn’s Ambulance.

“She needs blood or she is going to die” She hears one of them say.
“Maize and I have the same blood type, use my blood; I will risk dying to save her.”  Quinn says weakly. Maize tries to say no but they ignore her. She tries to speak but can’t. Tears roll down her face onto the pillow. Quinn holds her hand, tears falling from his eyes. He kisses her for the last time and tells them he is ready. He lays back into the bed, still holding her hand. They start taking blood from him veins. Maize can’t watch, she just holds her boyfriends hand, cries and looks at his face as he is giving what little blood he has to save her. He starts to flat line but the Paramedics don’t stop taking the blood, Maize looks up at one of them as if to say, “Why are you just letting him die?”

The Paramedic looks back at Maize and says to her.“He said to us he doesn’t care if he dies, as long as you are okay. I’m sorry love. But we can only save one person out of you two.” She looks at Quinn, still holding his hand as he dies.
When the Paramedics are finished, she stands up and sits next to Quinn and wonders why,

The pain he took for her...

We were inseparable.
We always said we’d stay friends forever.
All those stupid little things we did together growing up.

Sharing our cupcakes with only eachother.
Going treak-or-treating, and putting all the candy into one pile and hiding it from our mums.
All those sleepless nights of giggling at silly little things.
Thinking we are so cool because we could skateboard.
Going to the beach and holding hands while running into the waves.
The long summers when we went to the carnival and going on the rollar coaster 50 times in a row.
The cold winters when all we would do is paly in the rain in our pj's.
Counting down the days until we were old enough to go to cinema and get into M rated movies without adults.
The countless photos, those trips to the aquariam just so we could go on the ride and make fun of the sting-rays.
Jumping off the pier together until we were all prunny and freezing cold.
Driving to Melbourne for my 12th birthday and making a mess in the gas station, putting our sour candy and chocolate in our slushys, getting kicked out of  Luna Park and Macdonalds in a matter of 1 hour.
Playing spin the  bottle with the boys and giggling uncontrolably when we had to actually kiss them.
Getting sent to the Principles office almost every day of Primary school.



This is...




What my past....



looks like....




Those times mean nothing to you now that you have made your new friends, your better friends.
You don't have time for me anymore. Promising me that we can hang out together after school, then walking off on me when we step off the bus. You think that doesn't affect me, that ill just get over it in an hour or so.
But I don't, I remember it all... Bagging me out behind my back to people that I don't get along with, saying you will call but never will. You see, You meant more to me then anyone else in the world. We had something that no one else had.
I trusted you with absolutely everything but you just thru it all away. I stay awake all night, just thinking about things you said to me, that I believed, You told me you would always be there to catch me when I fell, but where are you now when I need you the most? Where are you when the world that is surronding me is falling apart? Then I remember, you are the one making me fall, making my world crumble to bits. But I never gave up  on you. And I still love you more then anything.
You were my Best Friend; I needed you more than anyone. Now you are the one that points and laughs at me when people trip me up. Your the one that starts rumors about me that make me cry everyday. Because I get kept awake all night, becuase whenever I close my eyes, it's as if all my memories with you are being replayed in my head like a DVD, and I admitt, I cry, I cry so hard my eyes sting and my cheeks are rosey red. You meant mean everything to me. And I mean nothing to you...

"We thought we had the world wrapped around our fingers.
We thought we could get away with anyhting and everything.
We thought we would be best friends forever.
Now Im just a dot in your past,
That will soon be forgotton over time."




---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




You see, I try hard to show people I am my own person, that I don't fall under a catorgory like a lot of people at my school do. I spend everyday of my life pretending I'm happy and that the things that people say about me, don't bother me at all. But then I go home, and I wipe off that fake smile that I wear at school all day, everyday, and I lock myself in my bedroom with my music up so loud that it gives me a headache. And I cry, thinking to myself...
what did I do to deserve this?
Why do these people make fun of me when I don't even know them?
Is it because I don't dress like everyone else and I don't listen to all the music they do?
Why do they walk up to me and push me over, throw my books in the bin, kick me and laugh?
Why me?
What did I do?
Am I that pathetic?
All these questions that I cant answer, how stupid is that?
That's just some of the things that go thru my head everyday.
I pretend to everyone that I'm happy when I am really dying inside. I sit by myself in class and I sulk. When people ask me what's wrong, I say it's nothing and I change the subject. I can't even accept compliments that people sometimes give me,
Because Im soo used to being teased and put down. It's even got to the point where I put myself down.
No one knows what I do every night, no one knows that when my bedroom door is closed that I'm crying. getting drunk because Im feeling depressed, and all the self harm. I don't even think anyone cares. I know I'm not perfect, and I'm sorry I can't be perfect, but I never will be. I try to act tough and I try to defend myself, but I have no self confidence left in me to make it work. Why Can't people just accept me for who I am? No one will probably read this anyway. But I have to get it off my chest.
I hide behind my make-up and cloths because I feel as if  I'm not as good as everyone.
I spend hours on my hair and make-up everyday and no one notices, all they do is diss me about how "emo" I am.
Everyday complete strangers scream out things to me...

"You know it's school not Halloween"
"Go homw ya fuckin' emo, back to your razorblade and screamo music"
"Try cutting deeper next time"
"Your hair style is cool, it hides your ugly face emo"
"Why Don't you just go and cut yourself?"
"What are you gonna do, put an emo curse on me?"

Then there is all the things that are written in the bathrooms....

"Who's that fuckin' emo that sits by herself everyday? Claire? pssh whata freak"
"Cut deeper Claire next time would ya?"

Thats my life everyday, I don't even have "real" friends. Because no one wants to have anything to do with me. But I do have people that I call friends on here. And I know they accept me for who I am, but then again, No one on here really knows me like I would like them to. I'm probably just that kid in your friends list that spends all her time listening to The Used and thinking she is in love with some one that doesn't even know she is alive. No one knows me, I don't even know myself..

"Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel outta place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio turned on up so loud,
That no one hears you screamin'?
No you don't know what its like,
When nothing feels alright,
You don't know what its like,
To be like me...."









There is only one person in the whole world that I trust now.
And I cherish her more then anything else in the world.
I may never meet her in person, She may live on the other side of the world,
But that just shows how strong we are, we have a bond that reaches across the world.


Mia, you are more then a best friend to me,
And I don't know what I'd ever do without you,
You are the one that keeps me sane,
The one that is always there if I need to talk,
My shoulder to cry on,
The one that shows I mean something,
Your my light at the end of the tunnel.
And I love you. ♥








----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------








You won't ever understand the feelings I have for him.
You all think it's a fangirl crush that I will grow out of in a few years.
That's a little strange when I have been feeling these feelings for 8 whole years.
It isn't a crush, I've had crushes before, and nothing has ever felt like this before.
Is it love? I'm not sure. But I don't always like it.
He makes me the happiest girl in the world,
He also makes me the saddest.
Do you know I dream about you 24/7?
Do you know that I admire you so much more then anyone else I know?
Do you know that I get butterflies when someone mentions your name.
Do you know I smile whenever I hear your voice?
Do you know I still get jealous when I see photo's with you and Ashley Nicole,
even though you two aren't together anymore?
Did you know that when you waved to me at Taste of Chaos when I was leaving,
that I had tears rolling down my face just because you noticed me.
Did you know that when you replied to my message on Myspace, that made my year?
Especially more when you finished it with "xxx."
Do you know that even thought I get dissed for feeling these feelings for you,
That those feelings get stronger every day.
Do you know that it breaks me knowing that I will neverget to be with you?
Did you know that when Kaylnn asked you to marry me and you said, "yes of course"
I almost fell off my chair because I was so happy.
And when that girl said "Quinn are really going to marry Claire?" and you replied
"Yeppp, I love her." That I started crying because I couldn't belive wht you just said.
Do you know that I can't sleep at night because you are always on my mind.?
Do you know that when people told me you we engaged, that I cried my eyes out for months and
My heat broke?

Do you know that I love you?

"See all those people on the ground, Wasting time, I try to hold it all inside, But Just for tonight, On top of the world, Im sitting here wishing the things that Ive become, but something is missing, maybe I , what do I know. and now it seems that I have found, nothing at all, I wanna hear your voice out loud, slow it down, slow it down,
Without it all, Im choking on nothing, its clear in my head, and Im screaming for something, Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all on my own."

- When you wrote that, was it about me? Because it feels like it...



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just want to say a little something about this journal.
That right there is me pouring my heart and soul out, and I would have never been able to if it wasn't for a certain buzz member that posted a journal like this. Iv'e been wanting to get all this out, but I never knew how, until I read her journal last night, and she showed me. I hope she knows who she is, and I just wanted to say thank you.

Please add :]
http://www.myspace.com./walkingspastic_xx

So, Tomorrow (15/05/08) It's my birthday as some of you might know already.
But for some reason Im not that excited, I mean sure, Chantell is staying at my house and we are gonna
Go out for dinner and party and all, But for some reason, I feel as if everyone has just forgotten me this year.
Mandii and Bella have said happy birthday but thats all. No one else.
I dont know.. Maybe Im just being to sensitive or selfish, I dont know.. 
Im just not that excited this year.
Meh whatever, Im used to being forgotten.

Chuuuurs.
Claire "BirthdayGirl" Allman.
xo

Okay. So a lot of you know about this kid called Corey Worthington who had a masive party while his parents were away and it got out of hand and he got into a heap of trouble. And a lot of you think he is the worst person in the whole entire world just because the media sold the story everywhere. A lot of you think he is selfish and shouldn't deserve to be alive. Which im my opinion that is such a terrible thing. Because everyone makes mistakes, everyone has parties while their parents are out, but he's only a 16 year old kid and its so sad that people hate him for that. A lot of people don't realize it but there was over 100 gate crashers at that party so why is it all Corey's fault? I mean come on. Sure, he did a pretty stupid thing and said on MySpace that he's having a party. But it could have been anyone. Like I said, he's only a kid. give him a break.



Another thing is that even though the media were selling his story as much as they could, when they interveiwed him, they were so mean to him and gave him no respect at all. Which I think is so wrong. It isn't fair that people that don't even know him are judging for one mistake that anyone could of made.



Corey resently went into the Big Brother 2008 house as a guest.
When Kyle and Jacki-o were talking to him on stage before he entered the house, every time he tried to say something the crowd would boo and not let him say anything. You could tell he was very insecure and all those people booing at him was making it worse. Sitting there in my bedroom watching all that happening made me feel sorry for him. Has everyone forgotten about that little thing called forgivness? I mean seriously, even now he is in the house he's getting hastelled by a couple of the people in there. Like he even said the night he entered the house "I'm only coming on here because I want people to realize I'm not the person you make me out to be, I want to show Australia that I'm not a bad person, Im just a 17 year old kid that likes partying and hanging with friends."


I think its terrible that no one wants to forgive this kid.
I actually personliy know him and he is actually a really sweet but shy boy.
And he does have feelings you know.. How do you think he is feeling, knowing that a heap of people in his country and around the world hate him and they don't even know him. I'll admit, he is a little bit of an ass to the people on the news but thats only because of the way they are trying to make him be... "The Trouble making Party Boy"
pffft that makes me sick.

And Im not that great at drawing, but I try plus it makes me feel better when Im in a bad mood.
I thought I'd share with you lovely buzzers the drawing I've done for Nick Wiggins and his girlfriend Jess.
Im actually proud of this drawing and I'd really appreciate if you could tell me what you think.
Enjoy muh creation nukka's (y)


I used a 2h pencil just incase you were wondering.
And its actually darker then that. Muh scanner is wack.

Chuuuuurs fer reading
Claire XO

Yo.
I was hella bored yo.
So I made this yo.
Ask me a question yo.
I will asnwer it yo.
Kay yo.
If me saying yo annoys you a lot yo whatev yo talk to mah hand yo.


Anyways! :DD Give me a question, I must've been rather on the bored side if I did this.
I'll answer.
Ask away...

I'll answer your questions in another journal in a couple of weeks.
you can ask as many questions as you want :]

Chuuurs.

xo

My mom's boyfriend's son is like living with us.
And he likes to do My hair....

Bwahahahaha

Hahahaha

Okay, so there is this girl right, Her name is Mia Halloween McCracken, and She is my best friend. She has been the only person thats been there for me for a while now. And without her, Im nothing. She is the ONLY thing that means more to me than The Used. She is the milk to my cookies, the Bert to my Quinn, and my twin brother, Yeah she is the Joel to my Benji. No one, and i mean NO ONE can compear to her let alone feel her place. She is my Mia. And I love her.

As pretty much all of you know, I am madly inlove with Quinn Scott Allman or as some as you may know him as
Man-A-Quinn or Cheese Boy. And as you probably also know from older journals that I have been spending a lot of my time on kyte.tv talking to him and what-not. Well. On the 30th of March 2008. I asked Mr. Allman if he would marry me.
And he said "Of course Claire"

You probably think Im gonna go totally nuts in this journal and be like OMG OMG OMG OMG
But No... Im not, Im going to say 3 simple words though...
and they are...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

IN YOUR FACE!
bwahahahaha sorry I couldnt not say that. But hahaha Yeah. So Im married now.
And I love my husband very much. but I dont have Quinn to myself. no no no.
I share him with my new wife Kaylnn who I married last night (31/3/08)
bwahahaha

 

Chuuuurs for reading! 
Claire Chaos Allman
xo

 

Oh Yeah, And one more thing, Stop hating on Quinn's Beard.
The Beard is love ♥

 

Beard photo made by my gorgeous son Jacoby. :)

               
Well, there's this Band, called The Used. And its made up or four very talented men.
Bert McCracken, Dan Whitesides, Jeph Howard and Quinn Allman.
And they have been my favorite band since I was 7 years old.
But back then Dan wasnt in the band.
Branden was.

But Anyway.
Over the years my love for them has grown.
On the 23rd of October, 2007. I was lucky enough to see them live.
They were incredible! Sure, Id seen bands live before them but nothing, and i mean
NOTHING! Was or Has been as good as The Used Live. That night was defently the best time of my life.
Today. Friday, March 28 2008. Ive had the best afternoon in my life so far this year....
My Best Friend Mia and I were on a chat thing called Kyte. And The Used have a channel on there, which is what we were on. Well, Mia and I were laughing at all the weird people on there. And someone called
Chadam_Lives informed me that I am their Grandmother. Then someone signed in all of a sudden everyone went crazy and started saying hi and the person said Hii to everyone back. Then i realized it was one of The Used boys, and everyone was like "DAN? QUINN? JEPH? BERT? OR IS IT ZELDA? ZELDA SPEAK TO ME ZELDA!"
For all of you that dont know, Zelda is Jeph Howards little dog. hahaha
In the end we all found out it was Dan and Quinn. I got all happy and started talking to Dan. And I asked if they were coming to Australia this year, and he said "Yeah we love coming to oz" So I got happy about that. Then Quinn was on and I asked if he still gets drunk and drinks Laundry Detergent and everyone laughed at me! Then Quinn got off and gave it back to Dan. Then people were talking about the boys coming to Australia. Dan then said Australian were sexy which made me even more happy. Then I said "If you say my name ill buy you a beer" and Of course i got the smart ass come back "My name" hahaha But Im gonna buy him a beer anyway. Then I left for a little while. And when I came  back Someone said something about Dan being god so I sent "All Hail Dan hahaha ***high five***"

After that, Mr. Whitesides started naming people. I asked him if I could have a name.
And he named me, Zookie-To-Tookie Hohohpuff and Mia got named
Fort-Night McCheesfarmer. We both started laughing again at that point.

And Dan gave me a high five, at that point I started laughing. Then I had to get off because I was feeling sick and needed a lay down. So my last words were "CLAIRE LOVES DAN, DOES DAN LOVE CLAIRE?"
And he replied "I LOVE YOU CLAIRE'BEAR!" and I felt kinda special and according to my brother I blushed.
Then he said that he would be my friend. Which made me smile.

Then I logged out.

 

 

 

That is a reason why they are my favorite band.
They actually take the time out to talk to their fans and tell us that we actually mean something to them.
They are a masive part of my life and I really dont know what Id do if I didnt have their music in my life.

Chuuuurs.
ClaireChaos Zookie-To-Tookie Hohohpuff aka Benji
xo

 

 

 

 

We lasted 1 month and 2 days.
But sadly, I have lost my relationship with him.
He was the air I breath.
He was my sun, my moon and everything else in between.
I loved him more than anything elese in the world.
I love him more than anything else in the world.
But my life is that stressful at the moment I just had to let him go.
And deep down, i regret it.
But I did it for his own good.
So I thougt.
I told him the truth.
I told him we should just be friends and when I get my life sorted then maybe we could try again.
I dont think he'll ever take me back.
He was too good for me anyway.
But I loved him.
I love him.
But did he love me back?
Does he love me back?
Probably not, Ive probably thrown my last chance of happiness away.
Because Im stupid?
Because Im selfish?
No, neither of those.
Because I thought I was doing it for the best.
But now I feel Worse.
I guess that is pretty stupid.
I didnt want to hurt him.
But I bet I have.
I dont Blame him if he never talks to me Again.
I just hope he knows that I love him very much.
Always have.
Always will.
I know I'll never move on.
But I dont know if he feels the same.
Does he?
Does he still love me?
Does he want me back?
Will he take me back?
Mmmmm I have no idea.
And Im too nervous to ask.
I really hope he doesnt hate me for this.
He was the best thing that ever happened to me.
He is the best thing thats ever happened to me.
Right now I feel like writing him a letter,
Buying a single red rose and a black wedding dress.
And blowing my brains against the wall.
I dont think I can live without him.
Can he live without me?
I love Him.

Whoo, The long awaited 1st Chapter is here! Well, the first part anyway.

You only hold me up like this…

Change.

 

 

 “Shhh! You don’t wanna wake her!” 

Mia said while sitting in the back of the old black van trying to throw skittles into Jess’ mouth while she was asleep, Alayna and Claire sitting behind them giggling. Jacoby just looks at them and shakes his head,

“And I call you people my friends.”

Claire just laughs and says in a sarcastic voice

“Oh Jacoby, you love us!”

 

Alayna looks out one of the tinted windows,

“Ohhh here comes the others with our drinks and more candy!”

Emmy, Kyle and Sammy come walking out of the glowing doors of the gas station on this cold winter’s night, up to the van that’s been terribly parked over three spaces. Jess is woken up by a bag of chips thrown on top of her and chokes on the skittles that have been tossed into her mouth. She starts spluttering and coughing, laughing so much that tears are falling down her face.

“Hahahah welcome back to the world Jess, have a good sleep?”

Mia says with the cheekiest smile on her face while hiding the bag of skittles behind her back. Jess takes a mouth full of her Vodka cruiser, smiles then glares at Mia…

“Mmm it was you wasn’t it!”

Mia pretends to contemplate about her answer.

“Weeeeell, it could have been.”

Then they both start laughing.

 

“Mmm I never want this to end.”

Claire says, snuggled into Kyle’s jacket.

“Its never gonna end, we’ve been best friends since yay high and that’s never ever gonna change.”

Emmy says while cracking open her drink.

“Haha, lets toast to this.”

Alayna says,

“toast to what?”

Jacoby says with a vague look on his face

“toast to us you Mo-Fo!”

“Lets toast to our friendship, may it last ‘til death and beyond”

Emmy chimes in.

“I’ll Chuuurs to that!”

Claire says trying to sound gangsta like she usually does. Everyone laughs and lifts their bottles of Cruisers, “Chuuurs!” They all sing out.

 

 

 

[Claire’s POV]

 

Sitting here in the back of Jacoby and Emmy’s old van like we usually do. But geez its so cold tonight!

I Just cant stop thinking about how lucky I am to have friends like these guys. I mean, I have my twin sister sitting here next to me laughing and having a drink with me. When all you hear about siblings is that they are always fighting all the time. Not me and Mia. NO WAY! The only time you hear about us fighting is when someone has had the last rockstar or used the eyeliner and not put it back to where it belongs. It’s great. Like, we’re twins, but she’s born 1 minute before me so Im the baby of the group, always have been, always will be. But it’s not just Mia, I mean…

Im sitting here cuddling up to my boyfriend Kyle, sipping away at his cruiser.

Laughing about the time he got stuck in the bucket on Halloween.

Then There is Emmy, who treats Mia and I like her own 2 children, she’s always been the one there for us. She is more of a mother figure then our real mum.

 Then there’s Jacoby, he is one of the sweetest people In our group. Emmy's little brother, he’s adorable! And Jess, Uhhh I love her to death and beyond, I look up to her for advice and just as a person more than anyone else! Alayna and Bella, my bestest friends in the whole universe! They really dont know how much they mean to me. And we can’t forget Sammy, sweet innocent Sammy… She may be 2 years older than me, but she is my baby girl, so naive and innocent. Hahahah and she’s the biggest ditz your ever gonna come across.  We arent friends, we're closer than that, but we arent famliy, because we are even closer than famliy! This is the best time of my life, and i never want it to end! I want to die with these guys beside me....

 

"Claire you Mo-Fo!" Mia says throwing a skittle at my head,
"You still with us, or are you day dreaming again? hahahah."
"Oh hahah, very funny." I say throwing the skittle back at her. She catches it in her mouth and laughs.
"Hmm, we should buy a house or something, this van is getting waaay too small for us, I mean, there is 9 of us living in one tiny van." Jacoby says while putting a gummy worm into his drink.
"Oh yeah, thats a great idea Jabby... How much have you had to drink again?"
Bella says with a laugh. 

"No, Im serious, i mean, we all have jobs which means we can split the rent..." 
jacoby gets interupted by Emmy,
"Bro, thats an awesome idea, but if we spent all our money on rent, how would we afford food and drinks, and cloths and bedding and all that shit?"
"Well, i was getting to that." Jacoby continues.
"We could do it in shifts, say one week, Me, Mia and Alayna pay rent and the rest of you spend it on dinner and all that shit. Either that or we could start a bank account."
"No." Alayna says...
"No?" Jacoby looks at her funny.
"I have an even better idea. Jess, arent your parents loaded?"
"Yeah... why? I havent seen them since christmas 2 years ago..."
"What if you went to visit them and you could ask them for money?"
"Oh yeah... And they are really gonna give me money so i can buy a house with you guys... Great idea.. NOT"
"Then dont tell them that thats what the money is for, say its for schooling or something."
"What lie?"
"Well your not really lying, i mean you, Claire and Sammy are still in school."
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmm." Jess sighs.
Everyone looks at her, making her a little intimidated.
"Pweasssssss JessJess." Sammy says with puppy dog eyes.
Jess takes a big drink of her Vodka, and lets out another long sigh.
"Mmm Fine..." She gives in.
"Guuh oh how i love you Jess!" Mia says with a big smile on her face.
"Well, it would be a lot of fun, and i being with you guys" Jess says, now smilling that beautiful smile she has.

 

To Be Continued.

 

***Writers Note: Yeah, Im doing the first chapter in 2 parts, because i have a ton of homework to do and I want to keep people guessing :) I hope you like it...
Chuuuurs
Claire 
xo

 

You only hold me up like this…

Chapter 1

 

“Shhh! You don’t wanna wake her!” 

Mia said while sitting in the back of the old black van trying to throw skittles into Jess’ mouth while she was asleep, Alayna and Claire sitting behind them giggling. Jacoby just looks at them and shakes his head,

“And I call you people my friends.”

Claire just laughs and says in a sarcastic voice

“Oh Jacoby, you love us!”

 

Alayna looks out one of the tinted windows,

“Ohhh here comes the others with our drinks and more candy!”

Emmy, Kyle and Sammy come walking out of the glowing doors of the gas station on this cold winter’s night, up to the van that’s been terribly parked over three spaces. Jess is woken up by a bag of chips thrown on top of her and chokes on the skittles that have been tossed into her mouth. She starts spluttering and coughing, laughing so much that tears are falling down her face.

“Hahahah welcome back to the world Jess, have a good sleep?”

Mia says with the cheekiest smile on her face while hiding the bag of skittles behind her back. Jess takes a mouth full of her Vodka cruiser, smiles then glares at Mia…

“Mmm it was you wasn’t it!”

Mia pretends to contemplate about her answer.

“Weeeeell, it could have been.”

Then they both start laughing.

 

“Mmm I never want this to end.”

Claire says, snuggled into Kyle’s jacket.

“Its never gonna end, we’ve been best friends since yay high and that’s never ever gonna change.”

Emmy says while cracking open her drink.

“Haha, lets toast to this.”

Alayna says,

“toast to what?”

Jacoby says with a vague look on his face

“toast to us you Mo-Fo!”

“Lets toast to our friendship, may it last ‘til death and beyond”

Emmy chimes in.

“I’ll Chuuurs to that!”

Claire says trying to sound gangsta like she usually does. Everyone laughs and lifts their bottles of Cruisers, “Chuuurs!” They all sing out.

 

This is the story of eight people that have been best friends since before they could walk. All has been going great for them until 2 of them; the twins; Mia and Claire get taken away from their best friends and moved to another state, get put into a new school where they obviously don’t belong. And forced to make new friends. You might think this is totally fine, but not when they started getting tight with the kids in their new school that class themselves as “The Rejected.” No one even dares to walk past this group. They are too scared incase they get a hold of them. 

 

This is really short, i know.. Buts its only giving you a taste of what the story is about.
Im actually really liking this story. I have a lot of it hand written, and whenever i get the chance ill add more to it. I hope you enjoy :)

Chuuurs

Claire

xo

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Writers Note: Credit to Jess -jesslovespanic- for the awesome banner
Good Job babes xo :)

"Sometimes i just want to know what its like to be you."
So, I want to start writing a new fan fic cause the one Im in the middle of isn’t really going anywhere.
I guess i just got bored of it. But yeah. So the one Im starting up is called.
"You Only Hold Me Up Like This..."

 

Gang 1:

• Mia - Rebel, dont EVER do what she's suppost to
• Alayna - The smart cunning one.
• Myself (Claire) - The baby of the group.
• Kyle - The protective one.
• Jacoby - The evil one, always thinking of something dark and sinister
• Sammy - Very secretive. Never really says anything, just hangs around
• Emmy - The mother figure of the group
• Jess - The one we all look up to
• Bella - The fun one!

Gang 2:

• Quinn Allman - The troubled one. Very quite.
• Bert McCracken - The leader of the pack
• Jeph Howard - The dickhead
• Dan Whitesides - The other dickhead
• Hayley Williams - The girl of the group.
• Ryan Ross - The popular one
• Brendon Urie - The nice one.
• Jon Walker - The tough guy
• Spencer Smith - The one that always looks on the bright side of life.
• Billy Martin - The goth one, always drawing or playing his guitar
  

Now, I dont really have many people in Gang 1, and i was wondering if anyone would like to be in my fan fic?
Just leave a comment and ill see what i can do :)
Also, I was wondering if anyone could make me a banner, cause i dont have photoshop  -.-"
Just send me a message :D

Chuurs for reading
Claire xo

 

Hola!!
Well, the Easter holidays are coming up real soon.
And my mother is contemplating wether we are going away or not..
We might be heading over to Phillip Island again.
Or we might be heading over the water to Warrnambool which is like around Queens Cliff

So if any of you live around there, we should totally catch up or something!!
Like yeah, I dont wanna be stuck with my little sister the whole time lol.
But yeah, drop me a line or whatever!!

Chuuurs

 

Ohhh Yeahhh
and i was looking thru my files today and look what i found!!
I dont know why but i really find this pictures cute :)

William Beckett and Pete Wentz

Brendon, Ryan and Jack

Brendon Urie and Ryan Ross

Pete Wentz

Pete Wentz and Steveo

William Beckett and Travi

 

 

In Case....
you didnt know,
I have a secret obbesetion with Panic! At The Disco and
Cute is What We Aim For.
I also love The Acadamy Is... Fall Out Boy
And Gym Class Heros
Ohhh and Im completley crazy for Jackass and Viva La Bam,
Wild Boys and Bam's Unholy Union.

 

Mmmm could you guys please comment and buzz my shizz?
No one is showin' me love anymore :(
Im not even gettin' voice comments anymore
PLEASE Show me some love!!
I need cheerin' up!

Chuurs fer readin'

ClaireBearChaosAllmanMuzza™